Why?

by Jeannette Lust
(Racine, Wisconsin)

I was engaged in 1992 to a wonderful man. He was a bit skittish on finally getting married, but we did set a date for 2003. In Sept of 2002 he went to a party, I had to stay home and watch the grand-babies, I went for a visit and he was having a good time with his work buddies at the bonfire. I kissed him and told him that I loved him and would see him in the morning. Then I told his friends that they better take care of him and then I left. At 5am the next morning, I woke up and felt something wasn't right, so I went out to the house where he was and I saw the ambulance there and him on the ground. They covered him up and told me to stay away. I never got to say goodbye.

The other fiance I had just recently died, suddenly also. We met in 2006 and were an item until 2008 when he proposed to me at Christmas. He collapsed suddenly in front of me. The rescue people were rude and the police officer actually slammed the door in my face as I was heading out to go to the hosp with him. He was in a coma until he died. But he was blinking his eyes at questions I was asking. The doctors said because of the brain damage he would never be the same or off life support. So I had to let him go. I told him that I loved him and would be with him until he was gone and it was ok to go. His heart was going until I said that and then it stopped. He was waiting for me to let go. I feel like I can't go on some days, but I know he wouldn't want that. I Just want to hear his voice telling me it will be ok.