What just happened?

by Jayne
(Davie, FL)

A real parrothead!

A real parrothead!

Today is Tim's birthday. He would've been 59. I miss him terribly.

July 4, 2007 I had a feeling Tim wasn't feeling well. I offered to take him to the doctor's office. Being the man he was, he didn't want to go. He said he'd take a nap and things would be better. While he was sleeping, I felt as if I needed to put a mirror under his nose to see if he was still breathing.

The next day, when I noticed he couldn't pick up his spoon for his soup, I gave him the option of going to the emergency room with me or have all of the neighbors watch as the ambulance came to pick him up. He said "take me". At that moment, I knew something wasn't right.

It seemed he'd had a stroke. I knew he was tired last week, but when I asked him to go to the Dr.'s office, he just said it was work and over exertion from the gym.

The Dr's in the emergency room thought he had the stroke a couple of days before. The wanted to do a CAT SCAN..

"May I speak to you alone, Mrs. Fulton?" said the Dr. He explained they saw something on his brain but needed to do a MRI to see it better. "On his brain?" I asked..I was shocked and didn't know what to say. Tim was taken for an MRI. The emergency room was going to admit Tim to the hospital. It was serious. It was a long night.

The next morning a Neurologist came into Tim's room and uttered the words I dreaded to hear. "Tim has a brain tumor, that had metastasized from the lung and has, maybe, 12 months to live"..Tim and I looked at each other and were silent. I could see that Tim wasn't right. His concentration was short and had fragmented words. I was scared. I had to tell the kids.

I asked Tim if he would mind if (my best girlfriend) flew out to see him. Mimi flew in from Seattle the next morning. I was asked if we had a living will. Ironically, we did. It all felt surreal. Tim sick? I couldn't understand it.

After a couple weeks of radiation therapy, the Dr. spoke the words I knew were coming but couldn't bear to hear...."If there is any family members that needs to fly out, call them NOW. There's nothing more we can do." At that point, Tim was not awake and was ready for hospice.

Tim passed away exactly 28 days from his diagnosis. He died in his home, listening to Jimmy Buffet, and I was holding his hand. I was blessed to be there with him. I had 14 wonderful years with him. He was my friend, pal, lover and rock.

Happy Birthday, Tim. I miss you.

Comments for What just happened?

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Feb 05, 2011
 Sharing your sense of loss
by: Jude

I lost my darling husband Paul on 19th Dec. He became ill at the end of Sept and had 2 misdiagnoses, even spent 2wks in psychiatric hosp, then MRI scan showed 'mass of malignant brain tumours' - too aggressive and advanced to do anything.
I cannot stay at home, every day I am out from 9.00am till evening, some evenings I can 'cope', others I have to call on a friend for 'hugs'.
I had a breakdown in Apr 2010 - parent stuff - ongoing for 35yrs, still got that to 'deal' with, WHEN I surface, on top of loss of my Paul.
Feel SO ALONE, no brothers/sisters/children - NO ONE in the world - some wonderful friends, but they all have their own lives to get on with and there is a limit to how much you can ask, and as much as they miss Paul their lives have cont'd the same, nothing changed, my life FINISHED.
Crucifying hearing friends talking of their plans for the future, holidays/birthdays/anniversaries etc DREAD all the Bk Hols and weekends when everyone has someone.
NO FUTURE, NO ANYTHING, JUST LONELINESS, EMPTINESS, TOTAL UTTER LOSS
Aug 16, 2010
 your update
by: Janelle

Jayne,

I'm glad you hear that you have found some healing in writing your story. I'm also glad to hear that you have someone so close to you who has been on this journey.

Sorry that I missed your response earlier. I have moved this summer and I haven't been able to give as much attention to the site as I usually like. Now things are settling and I'm hoping to give better focus. I'm glad you have found it helpful and are able to connect with others through it.

May you find glimmers of hope for your journey...
Aug 09, 2010
 what just happened
by: Anonymous

Jayne so sorry to hear of your loss, i too am living in a strange world now i have lost my dearest chris to cancer as you,we were told they could do no more and could not save him this time,he lived for four months following his terminal diagnosis,determined to the end,we have to be determined to fight this grief,they would not want us to be sad,but it is so difficult when you loose your husband,you want him there to help you through it and you know this can not be,we have to fight it with them in your heart,bless you jayne for sharing your story with us,another one of us on a journey we dont want to be on x
Jul 22, 2010
 Thank you Janelle
by: Jayne

Thanks so much Janelle for your words of hope. I was just alerted to this website by my cousin. She thought it would be helpful to connect with others who've gone through grief like this.
Ironically, my next door neighbor lost her husband 1 year before Tim died. She was a widow at 43. Funny how G-d puts people together.

You were right when you said that there is healing through writing. After writing my story, I cried like a hungry baby. I wanted Tim back as much as that baby wanted its bottle..
I do know that Tim will always be with me and I am fortunate to always have the wisdoms and lessons in my life that he taught me...
With gratitude,
Jayne
Jul 22, 2010
 Your story
by: Janelle

Jayne,

I will hold your story in my heart today. You tell your story in a very moving way. I'm so sorry you had to walk through this experience. Sharing the photos and story is a loving way to commemorate Tim's birthday.

In hope,
Janelle

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