Tears

by Debbie
(Ohio)

So yesterday was any normal day at work Accept …. We had a shooting in Lake County. So 2 coworkers were talking about what happened right by my desk so of course I heard all of it. This instantly made me sick to my stomach and trying to hold back tears. What kind of person kills just to kill and the poor man that came home to find his wife tied up naked with a bullet to her chest and one to her head.
So this started a downward spiral for me. I was able not to cry at work and prayed for this family. The devastation was overwhelming. Went home just wanted Scott to hold me and tell him how much I loved him.
Joshua’s last tee ball game was last night and I promised I would be there. So Of I went. He was so cute and so proud. Now you would think what a cute, nice thing, but this game brought back a multitude of memories.
While watching I went back 34 years and saw Michael and Kenny and Mark and Ralph playing and yes I smiled because Joshua was picking up dirt and throwing it on his head (Kenny with grass) just little boys learning how to play baseball. More memories I have safely tucked in my mind and heart. Seeing all of us sitting on the bleachers Jan, Anita, me, Grandma, Jan’s Mom Dorothy, Anita’s mom Phyllis . Cheering on our boys. Great memories, great friends. I thought of Michael and grinned thank God he could hit that ball cuz he could not run that is for sure and we would laugh I can still hear the grandmas yelling and having a great time.
So I started thinking Michael are you playing baseball? Are you running faster than ever before? Is Pappy able to see you play? Is grandma sitting behind home plate yelling at the ump? Are you finally free from pain? Do you have a new body? Are soaring? I pray you are!
Anita called, she had a dream about you she said you looked wonderful you were thin and laughing telling little inside jokes and making everyone laugh. Made my heart happy for a while.
But then I start thinking about how I can’t see you it all floods back and the tears starting flowing. Oh I know you are in a better place but it hurts my heart so bad.
I know that every time I write I cry, but I guess it is something I have to do I am compelled to write if it helps even one person then I have done something good thru all the tragedy