Sympathy Cards and Thank you cards

by Debbie
(Ohio)

After a loved one dies you send sympathy cards. Which is a very nice thing to do. I have done it many times but, when you are the one receiving them it is overwhelming. I think I have received at least 100 if not more. I think I have read two. Oh I am going to read them every one, but I can't right now. All I can do is weep.
The proper etiquette for sending thank you cards is within two weeks. That's when you should send them out really? I haven't even read the cards yet. So It has been 5 weeks. I just finished the last one. Thank God for my daughter and Sister in law. We did a lot of crying and writing and I still haven't read the cards, all the kind words, all the I am so sorry,If there is anything we can do let us know. All these words are nice, but it won't heal my heart, it won't bring him back. I feel like I am stuck in a place that I do not want to be in. How do I get pass this stage?
At times I feel like I am having a break down. Really going over the deep end. But then I remember this is grief. There is really no time table. I cant make it go any faster. I wish I could make it all go away. At times I just pretend like He is going to call or stop by sometimes it gives me a little bit of peace and then like a lightning bolt Bam right up side the head reality hits me full in the face! He is not going to call, he is not going to stop by. He is gone! The pain is so intense I think my heart is breaking to the point of no return. That is what scares me to tears. I have to trust and Believe that God is holding me in the palm of His hand. Carrying me, loving me, through this because if I didn't I would surely die from a broken heart. All of this because of sympathy cards, no because of my son Michael passing and me trying to get a grip on it. I know it is real, but I want to pretend because it doesn't hurt as much.