Loss of a true gentleman

by Bhavna
(Leicester)

Where do I begin? My husband was everything one would like in a husband. Caring, hardworking, gentle, loved life and love people. He respected life and in turn all respected him. He took all of his life's role, husband, father, son, son in law, friend.... with uncomditional love. My husband was my first love and last. He was health conscious and positive minded and yet at the age of 46 was diagnose with small cell cancer in he liver. No history and no warning. Our lives were a living nightmare for 18 months, but on the outside it was as if life was normal. We both supported each other and remained positive even though we knew the real picture. We traveled, we laughed and we lived, but inside we were both dying. How do you absorb news like this and you wake up each morning telling yourself it was a bad dream, but it's not.
My son at that time was only 10. We did know how to begin to explain to him. My husband was always the doting father. He chose not to say anything, until my son asked me , " I want to ask you a question, but I'm scared of the answer." Why does our son have to face this?
My fought the illness for 18 months. He so wanted to live.
He passed away in oct 2010. I couldn't cry during the first few weeks. I had cried for 18 months . I don't think I had anymore tears left. I just didn't know what had happened to my perfect life. It could've be happening to me and my son. How could I be a widow at the age of 42?
5 years on, miss my soul mate like crazy. I talk to him everyday and he my angel that has guided me through these years. He has sent me Angels in the form of people to help us. I am truly blessed with amazing friends and family that have walked the journey with me and yet I still feel alone. I am a teacher, who loves her job and have found little things to fill my life, but each day is still hard. I have my very sad days and cry in my pillow. The next day, I get ready and put on my happy face and always look at the positive that I do have in my life, of which there are many.
I have solace in knowing that I was the best wife I could possible be and I had a relationship for 23yrs, that some may never experinec in their lifetime.
I shall always remember what my husband said to me, well before his diagnosis. " there are many people that would love to be with you, but I have you and I am the luckiest" I felt the same about him.
People tell me that you'll find someone, but can one be lucky to have 2 true gentlemen in their life. I will life know I had one.
May life fill you all with positivity and love.