living in a parallel world

by Jenny
(California)

I met and married a dream of a man. He was everything I ever wanted. He was my package.

We lived and raised our family in the same home, 27yrs.
My sister lived over the hill and I'd worked with the same group for 22ys.

My love was a truck driver (owner/operator) coast to coast. We spent a great deal of time separated. Far from traditional but we always said "We'll get our time later" Our retirement was nicknamed "tacos and beer".

Our time came in November 2014 when we both retired. We fell into such a beautiful, spiritual time of our relationship with such ease.

then the universe stopped.

April 2015 I lost my love to a fatal accident. My sister held me at night while I screamed. Three weeks later I lost her to cancer. I ran to my girlfriend looking for answers and lost her in August 2015 to cancer.

I only know 1 step of grieving. It consists of sheading tears everyday, counseling and medication.

I'm living in a world where nothing seems real, then SLAP/WAKE UP this really is my life. I do what I need to survive. I'm trying, my family is trying. My niece and nephew are trying.

We've lost what is unfathomable. We have to put together another life but not all the pieces are there.

It's changed who and what we thought we were. We will never be whole. Life stopped. Learning to breath again is hard when your heart and soul are only pieces of what they used to be.

5 steps?