"Fake it till you Make it!" and He will find a Way!

by Debbie
(Ohio)

The unbelievable grief that comes over me is so unbearable I never know what is going to trigger it. I thought that yesterday because I was extremely tired I would have a melt down. Wrong Oh, I cried I do everyday and I usually feel better. Today I was going through things that I have written over the years and came across a song that helped me so much when my first husband died (see below) The song was for a man who had just lost his Father which is also the writer. This was in 1988 and when I read these words I held it together. I sent the words to my friend Peggy who lost her sister, this was around 11 AM. All day I was thinking about them . So I went to take a break and was thinking how grief is really a tidal wave it washes over you with such intensity it overtakes you. There is no where to hide from it. Well I am writing this because I literal had a melt down at work I was hiding in the storage room because I knew I would not make it to the ladies room in time. Thank God I grabbed kleenex. I was a hot mess. One of my co workers right when I got back to my desk came up to talk to me OMG I am not a pretty crier. He was so kind, he tried to change the subject and with in less than a minute he was gone. I was able to put some make up on and try to look half way normal. Swollen eyes are a part of my persona. People go through their daily lives, laughing, joking and I use to be like that too, but now I want to scream what is so funny? Don't you know my son Died! Will any thing be funny again? I go through the motions my motto had always been
"Fake it till you make it!" I am having a very very very Hard time faking it



He’ll Find A Way by Billy and Sara Gaines

At times the load is heavy
At times the road is long
When circumstances come your way
And you think you can't go on
When you're feeling at your weakest
Jesus will be strong
He'll provide an answer
When you found all hope Is gone
He'll find a way

Chorus
For I know that If He can paint a sunset
And put the stars in place
I know If He can raise up mountains
And calm the storm-tossed waves
And If He can conquer death forever
To open heaven gates -
I know for you, I know for you
He'll find a way

And at times you, heart Is breaking
With a pain that's so intense
All you hold re broken pieces
To a life that makes no sense
He wants to lift you up and hold you
And mend each torn event
He'll pick up the pieces
That you thought had all been spent He'll find a way